


A Juncture in Tandem

by glaciesdraco



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cheesy One-Liner, Communication, I know you're very surprised by that (not), M/M, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 02:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20940926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glaciesdraco/pseuds/glaciesdraco
Summary: In medias res, here's a look into Shizuo and Izaya's journey to becoming a happy fulfilling couple. (Helpful hint: they argue a lot.)





	A Juncture in Tandem

Izaya had never wanted anything before. All his life he had told himself that if he could just observe his humans, if he could see them exist, make their choices, become corrupt, show their true nature, and live their own life then he would be happy. When it came to himself, he had never wanted anything. That was the point of living for the sake of observation: he didn’t have to worry about the obstructions of being human. He had known going into this chosen life that he would have to take precautions, keep what was left of his heart a distance, closed it off from criticism and care. He had let a few cracks seep emotions through here and there, but he had been sure that nothing stronger than that could get past. Besides a select few eccentricities, he knew nobody would want to anyway. _That was the point._

Shizuo had taken him completely by surprise. He didn’t maneuver Izaya’s traps and walls like a normal human. Shizuo charged any problem head on like a bulldozer, and Izaya’s weak heart hadn’t stood a chance. After all of Izaya’s hard work to keep it from the world, Shizuo had destroyed it in just a moment’s chance, it wasn’t fair at all. Why did this monster always have to get in his way? Why did he have to ruin Izaya’s life at every chance he got?

They were on the floor of the hotel, as they were often nowadays, drunk and introspective. They spoke to each other most honestly this way they had found, without all the insults and anger building barriers around them. Slowly the barriers were thinning out, as was the use of alcohol, but they were about at their midpoint. Izaya’s eyes were glossy and unfocused and blinked sleepily up at the ceiling.

“If I could die,” he said and he had to clear his hoarse throat, “If I died and I knew this would all go away, that it could be undone… I’d probably do it.”

“How can you say that?” Shizuo demanded, sliding up on his back enough that their heads clashed from how they were lining up with each other. “After, after all this shit, how can you say something like that? Why the hell would you wanna die?”

“Because wouldn’t it be easier for you?” Izaya asked loftily. “I care about you, I want you to have that peaceful life that you wish for so ignorantly. And even if my death didn’t mean that could happen for you, at least then you wouldn’t feel like you had someone to blame.”

“Coward,” Shizuo tsked, “What you really mean is that you don’t want to take responsibility for any of it.”

“Oh I’ll gladly take the responsibility,” Izaya laughed, “And I am a coward. But what I really mean is… Shizuo, wouldn’t life be easier for you if I wasn’t around?”

“The hell kinda question is that? Of course it would be, you idiot.”

“I see.”

“But I’m choosing to have you around, that’s the point. Don’t you get it?”

“Right yeah, what you mean is you don’t know what’s best for you. So like I said, my point is that my death would make it an easier choice for you.”

“No way.” Shizuo said flatly, “I don’t like it.”

Izaya rolled his eyes instead of answering, not that Shizuo could see him. He thought maybe he shouldn’t have said anything because he didn’t feel better at all.

_Feel_… that’s right, he had never desired to feel anything but entertained his life. Never happy, never angry or sad. Only ever mildly entertained or annoyed. Jealous and envious, because these human indulgences were all in his love for humans, but to enjoy things and _feel_ for things that were happening to him, well… he had agreed with himself that it was best to avoid that for the sake of separating himself from humanity.

That was until Shizuo had cruelly broken down his walls. He wasn’t even sorry about it either, that bastard.

“I know you’re scared of all this, but I really don’t think you dying will solve much of anything.” Shizuo added out of the blue.

“It was hypothetical, Shizu-chan. I was saying that if I felt my death would take all this, this pain, away from you, then I think it would be for the best. I believe in helping humans achieve their dreams, you see, and now that you are one, I’d like nothing for you to…”

“There you go again,” Shizuo blurted, interrupting him, “Acting all high and mighty like your noble or something. Just shut up you coward, this has nothing to do with helping me, you’re just running away!”

“So what if I am?” Izaya snapped, “At least then you wouldn’t have to deal with me. We’d both win.”

“Shut _up_!” Shizuo spat, and he sat up so he could loom over Izaya. “We’re not enemies anymore. I don’t want you to die.”

Izaya scowled and Shizuo glared. He closed his eyes and covered his face with his arm so Shizuo couldn’t look at him looking the way he felt. He drank the alcohol to thin out the barrier, but he didn’t like the weakness that came with it. Shizuo on the other hand, thrived from the sudden vulnerability and allowed his facial expression to soften as he leaned forward and placed his forehead on Izaya’s arm, acting as another kind of barrier.

“Loving you is the easy part about all of this Izaya,” Shizuo said softly, “Everything else past that is not nearly as important to me past how we feel about each other.”

Izaya felt breathless and inhaled slowly to hide the shakiness there.

“Loving you is easy,” Shizuo repeated as a whisper in Izaya’s ear, “If you weren’t here then all the ways my life has gotten better would be undone and I’d still be miserable. I’m not better off without you.”

_Did he mean that?_ Could it really be true? Izaya uncovered his face and let Shizuo nuzzle him gently. He supposed it could be made a little bit more complicated than that, but the tears in his eyes didn’t care about anything else. He let the weakness in and didn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another of o them practices I be doing. (I'm so sorry I haven't finished my other fics oml, and no they're still not abandoned I'm so sorry.)


End file.
